Walking up to the rack, putting the bar on your back, you have done this time and time again for almost 9 months now. Yet you are doubting yourself, over the past few weeks you are creating this fear in your head, the doubt that comes flooding in and you cant seem to shake it.
You know that somehow you have to do it, you press up and take few steps back, with your coach standing close behind you. You can hear him say "you got this", strong girl, strong but yet this doubt is still looming in your head.
Taking a big breath in, slowly squatting and letting all that air out of your lungs on the way out. YES you made but you know it felt terrible, WHY because deep in your head you were thinking more about your doubt than the squat.
Walking away from the bar, your coach looks at you, he does need to say anything because for some reason he can read it all in your head. He says "walk away" come back and I want you to start thinking about the squat, you need to feel it. You walk away so frustrated in yourself because once again your head got in the way and you are scared of the bar.
I walk into the rack again, this time out loud i say, "hips back, chest up and elbows back". I put all the doubt as far back in my head hopefully never to be found again. I look at myself in the mirror and I am now in the zone, its just me, the bar and my coach nothing else matters in this moment. I put the bar under my back, this time I can actually feel the creases of the bar on my skin, I walk back and take one more look in the mirror, knowing all my parts of my body are now positioned right and i take the biggest breath and fill my lungs and squat. At this pint i think YES this feels good and let all air out on the way up.
My coach looks at me and i look at him, we both know that it was a great squat, best feeling in the world, so empowering. This is why I come back day after day, week after week, the iron bar constantly challenges you. You can feel on top of the world and for what ever reason, you doubt yourself and your ability and the bar wins. But not for long, i didnt achieve everything I wanted to that night but I learnt a lot about myself and how to control my head.
It was probably the most vital training session, I learnt to be confident in my ability and yes I am sure there will be other times I will doubt myself. I learnt sometimes you need to take it back to square one even if it hurts your ego a little or you feel beaten. I know next time i step up to the bar, that I want feel the bar, I want to mould in to the bar and feel my muscles tense, get stronger and I want to feel every stage of the squat as its own.
My head is my biggest challenge, I felt depleted and beaten for 24hrs after the session but that's where my life has changed. I have surrounded myself with people that support me and build me up. They believe in me, even when I don't and they do not let me walk away from fears ?